Fear of Frying

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you get an idea, dismiss it, and it won't leave you alone? Lingering like the smell of garlic, it says to you "just think about it. Try it!" And here's the intriguing aspect - if you take a step toward learning more about your idea, something happens physically. You get nervous. Your negative self-talk takes it up a notch. Your heart quickens, your nerves feel zing and twangy. The more you think about your idea, the more the barriers come up and the mind says "nah, not happening."

That's how it feels to me when I consider taking classes at Le Cordon Bleu. The critic in me sez "Don't those chefs look angry and stressed on those TV programs? Why would you want to be around that? Your French is terreebleh. Where's the lettuce to pay for it? You already know how to bake bread, what's the drive to learn brioche?"

I dunno, dunno, dunno, but the idea keeps hitting me like spattering grease. When it feels all wrong, that's the time to pay attention and take one little step that isn't so fearful. So my step was, I applied for more information online. That led to a phone call from someone at the school, but I was not at home when it happened. I carried the phone message with me on a trip to New York, figuring that I would feel more emboldened up there in Big Apple and would call them back from my very busy and important life. And then I went all poulet, poulet, poulet; couldn't do it. Too chicken.

I woke up today and said OK, time for another little step: Just return the phone call. Dial it! Blessedly, I got the voicemail and left a message. Breathe, breathe sweet oxygen.

Unless the website is out of date, Le Cordon Bleu doesn't have a bakery program in Dallas, and that may lead me to other culinary schools. It's a mystery at this point, like whether the boiling sugar will truly reach hard ball stage, but it's worth pursuing with the curious mindset of a journalist. I'll pretend this is all research for a story; then it won't be ABOUT ME but about readers and their interests.

For now, it's enough to tell myself this: The leaps we fear the most are the ones that take us the farthest. This is why I bake souffles and make croissants - to see where they lead. I love it when they turn out right. And after all, the world's greatest gourmands, chefs and restaurant critics had to start just like me, breaking some eggs.

Ruth Reichl, would you like to try my croissants?